Say what?

The UK is well-loved for various reasons (food not being one of them). The very name of England inspires images of quaint towns along a lush, green countryside. While these images certainly exist in reality, the problem a tourist (or even many Britons, for that matter) will have is in getting there. That's right. You must be able to pronounce the name of that cute cottage inn first.


Town names in the UK are a mystery to foreigners. Humor me for a moment. In Wales, hidden along the northern railway, there lies a small town of a population around 3,000. The town does not publicize a famous history -- no war crimes or witch trials or mystical Celtic grave sites. The only attractions listed are a tourist shop and a climbable column. What makes this town so unique? Its name: 

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Try saying that ten times fast. The town, locally called Llanfair PG, is the longest town name in Europe. The translation from Welsh is, "The church of St. Mary in the hollow of white hazel trees near the rapid whirlpool by St. Tysilio's of the red cave". Poetic, yes. Pronounceable, no.


Not to be outdone by the Welsh, unpronounceable town names are scattered across the rest of the UK as well. My fiancé, who is Scottish, likes to play the game "Make Me Laugh by Trying to Pronounce This." Somehow he always wins... Here are a few he's tried on me:
-Balluchullish 
-Milngavie
-Kirkcudbright


Say them out loud. Do you feel confident? 
-Balluchullish is pronounced "ball-a-HOOLlish"
-Milngavie is "Mill-GUY"
-Kirkcudbright is "Kirk-COO-bray"


During my student orientation at the University of Glasgow, the Scots decided to divide up all the international students and give each group a name to attempt to pronounce in front of everyone (public torment is still an acceptable form of punishment in the UK). Ours was "Isle of Islay." Needless to say, we were a bit off. It's pronounced "Isle of EYE-la", which, when said quickly in a Scottish accent, sounds like Isle of Isle. Very crafty, Glasgow Uni...


Great Britain has countless more difficult town names, but it could be worse. Thailand holds the record for the longest town name. Bangkok pronounced in Thai is a succinct 163-characters:

Krungthepmahanakornamornratanakosinmahintarayutthayamahadilokphopnopparatrajathaniburiromudomrajaniwesmahasatharnamornphimarnavatarnsathitsakkattiyavisanukamprasit

Try fitting THAT onto a railway sign!