Public Apology to Great Britain

Dear Great Britain,

I underestimated you. 

In my last article, I hinted that this country leans more towards the eccentric, rather than the athletic. I assumed, quite inaccurately, that you were best suited for an event with a horse, and probably some boats, because you struck me as a “horse and boat” kind of place.  A place that started Olympic events days before the actual Opening Ceremony, just to get them over with. A place that accidentally swapped the North Korea’s flag with their worst southern enemys’ emblem, just to test the age-old theory that World War III can be sparked by a drunken Glaswegian. A place that proudly advertised that their stadiums were full, only to frantically give away tickets before matches just to fill the side of the stadium that the cameras would see. A proud, athletic nation such as you? How wrong I was!

Jessica Ennis wins Gold in Heptathlon

I mean, obviously I struck a nerve here, because that article was published on the morning which is now titled by every British publication as “Super Saturday”.  The day you not only proved me (and your track record) wrong, but surpassed your highest medal count and came into the Top 3 Medal Holders. You’re right behind China – and the Americans! (In fact, you can keep climbing up – we’d much rather have you as our #2 man. China jus gets on our nerves, especially when they beat us in shooting – that’s practically our national sport!). You won 6 medals that one day– 3 of them in track and field! Where did THAT come from?! And, as much as I hate to admit when my husband is right, he, quite loudly, pointed out how incredible this achievement even is. China has over a BILLION people to choose from and wield into mighty athletes. America has over 310 MILLION. Britain, an island roughly the size of the state of Michigan, has 62 MILLION -- a FIFTH of the US and a SIXTEENTH of China. Compared to China’s billion, Britain’s got slim pickin's. Yet, here you are, World Number 2 (well, at least as of this afternoon as I write this after work without dutifully checking the validity of any of this). As Mike says (over… and over… and over…), it really is quite impressive where Britain manages to squeeze these super athletes from. (Mike would also like to point out here that “all the good athletes on Team GB are Scottish.” I think Sir Chris Hoy, with his record-breaking 6 Olympic medals, and Nicola Adamas, the new, historic Women’s Boxing Champion, would disagree.)

So, my dear Great Britain, I take back the sniggers and cynicism. Even if you did lose half of your horse races to Germany. And you’re not even in the top 6 of the Archery events (Did Robin Hood teach you nothing?!). And your mascot has too many sexual innuendos to count (Come on- it’s a walking one-eyed monster -- and he’s terrifying!). 
We aren’t judging. Not one bit…

But if you include MI5 or some other random government entity in your closing ceremonies like your NHS stunt earlier, then consider yourself severely judged.

Johnny English, MI7. He won't judge. But we will.

Photo Credit:
Image 1: http://www.channel4.com/news/british-olympic-stars-aim-for-super-sunday
Image 2: http://www.listal.com/movie/johnny-english/reviews

Bound by Eccentricity

It's the moment they've been planning for seven long years, and now all eyes are on London.

Dance, Victorian Men, Dance for Britain!

We always felt bad for any host country that had to follow the masterpiece that was Beijing, and it’s safe to say GB is feeling the pressure. They have been desperately trying to stand out from any past Olympics, but, quite honestly, I think they have been 100% successful. For who will forget the dancing Mr. Monopoly men in the 4-hour long Opening Ceremonies? Or Wenlock, the cyclops blob carefully chosen as the Olympic mascot. Or the revolutionary "Boris Bikes" and controversial "Olympic Lanes" that shut down main flows of traffic in the city centre, pushing angry plumbers to be interviewed on the BBC to blast the government for letting toilets all over London overflow. And we will always remember the blinding colour scheme of Magenta and Red. How did the Brits know?! Nothing brings out a gymnast’s youth more than wearing massive amounts of glitter and jumping on a hot pink trampoline in a stadium that looks like it’s sponsored by Benadryl allergy capsules.

But for me, the most memorable part of the Olympics by far is Britain's extreme optimism in the race for medals. Right now, they are showing themselves worthy, but for the first few days it seemed Team GB was just praying to get on the scoreboard. Radio announcers were playing “Songs to Lose To”, and TV announcers were constantly afraid of saying anything that might jinx the team. After so much hype, only three days ago Britain won their first gold. For a host country of the Olympics, under-athleticism is a bit embarrassing. But here's what I love about this country – in EVERY event, without fail, the British announcers talk as though their British Olympian is going to win. Even if they came last in the qualifications, you would never know without seeing the scoreboard yourself, the way the presenters put their athletes, no matter their skill level, on lofty pedestals. And this is what I absolutely love and admire about these plucky Brits. I'll give you a prime example:

Rejected Monsters Inc. characters in rehab

Mike and I love to watch the swimming events. There seems to be one surprise after another, and you can never call who's going to win. A few days ago we were watching one of the women's swimming relays, and Gemma from Team GB was in the far end lane, and Team USA's newest superstar, Missy Franklin, was in the centre lane, where the cameras usually focus. As the race begins, the cameras zoom out to see all the swimmers. Missy is off like a shot, but where are the cameras? They have swept over Missy to focus on Gemma, way off in the back. Missy is halfway done but it sounds like Gemma has a sporting chance of coming back... "Well, Missy Franklin is leading the pack- but look! Look at our Gemma! She's really making a sporting effort! We just have to BELIEVE!"

And this was my favourite part. Missy and half of the other swimmers are leagues ahead, but the cameras are centred on Britain’s only contestant. All the BBC presenters are now shouting, "Come on, Gemma! You can do it! Look at that form! Lovely effort!" In the end,  I don't think the presenters or even Gemma herself realised she had lost the medal. When she touched the wall, the announcers were on their feet cheering, "Well done, Gemma!", as proud as an obsessive Soccer Mom. 30 seconds later, the BBC interviewed Gemma, and I was extremely impressed by her attitude. She walked up to the camera, all smiles, and just repeatedly said how proud she was of her score, and how happy she was to just be a part of the experience. It didn't matter that she had missed the elusive medal because she did something that no one else had done - she made Britain actually get interested in sports for a change (and a female sport at that). And, even more impressive, she had Mike on his feet shouting cheers for Team Great Britain, a feat I never thought could be accomplished. In a time of fervent nationalism in the Welsh and Scottish nations and calls for breakaways and independence, the Olympics have done something incredible and unpredicted. They have bound these separated nations together as one – well, at least for two weeks. 

(As I write this, Mike just rolls his eyes and says dismissively, "The Scots invented the modern world, mind you," and continues watching the great Scot, Andy Murray, play his way into the finals.)

Photo credit

Image 1: http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/1261800/kungfulincolns.gif

Image 2: http://wemadethis.typepad.com/we_made_this/2010/05/2012-olympic-mascots-launched.html