Public Apology to Great Britain

Dear Great Britain,

I underestimated you. 

In my last article, I hinted that this country leans more towards the eccentric, rather than the athletic. I assumed, quite inaccurately, that you were best suited for an event with a horse, and probably some boats, because you struck me as a “horse and boat” kind of place.  A place that started Olympic events days before the actual Opening Ceremony, just to get them over with. A place that accidentally swapped the North Korea’s flag with their worst southern enemys’ emblem, just to test the age-old theory that World War III can be sparked by a drunken Glaswegian. A place that proudly advertised that their stadiums were full, only to frantically give away tickets before matches just to fill the side of the stadium that the cameras would see. A proud, athletic nation such as you? How wrong I was!

Jessica Ennis wins Gold in Heptathlon

I mean, obviously I struck a nerve here, because that article was published on the morning which is now titled by every British publication as “Super Saturday”.  The day you not only proved me (and your track record) wrong, but surpassed your highest medal count and came into the Top 3 Medal Holders. You’re right behind China – and the Americans! (In fact, you can keep climbing up – we’d much rather have you as our #2 man. China jus gets on our nerves, especially when they beat us in shooting – that’s practically our national sport!). You won 6 medals that one day– 3 of them in track and field! Where did THAT come from?! And, as much as I hate to admit when my husband is right, he, quite loudly, pointed out how incredible this achievement even is. China has over a BILLION people to choose from and wield into mighty athletes. America has over 310 MILLION. Britain, an island roughly the size of the state of Michigan, has 62 MILLION -- a FIFTH of the US and a SIXTEENTH of China. Compared to China’s billion, Britain’s got slim pickin's. Yet, here you are, World Number 2 (well, at least as of this afternoon as I write this after work without dutifully checking the validity of any of this). As Mike says (over… and over… and over…), it really is quite impressive where Britain manages to squeeze these super athletes from. (Mike would also like to point out here that “all the good athletes on Team GB are Scottish.” I think Sir Chris Hoy, with his record-breaking 6 Olympic medals, and Nicola Adamas, the new, historic Women’s Boxing Champion, would disagree.)

So, my dear Great Britain, I take back the sniggers and cynicism. Even if you did lose half of your horse races to Germany. And you’re not even in the top 6 of the Archery events (Did Robin Hood teach you nothing?!). And your mascot has too many sexual innuendos to count (Come on- it’s a walking one-eyed monster -- and he’s terrifying!). 
We aren’t judging. Not one bit…

But if you include MI5 or some other random government entity in your closing ceremonies like your NHS stunt earlier, then consider yourself severely judged.

Johnny English, MI7. He won't judge. But we will.

Photo Credit:
Image 1: http://www.channel4.com/news/british-olympic-stars-aim-for-super-sunday
Image 2: http://www.listal.com/movie/johnny-english/reviews